How can you love your body post-cancer?
With Practice and Patience.
Self-love is not something that magically grows within me. It does not come easily and it is not permanent. Yet, our society treats it as if it is as natural as breathing rather than a skill that can be learned and strengthened.
Towards the end of my cancer treatment, I wrote this love/apology letter to my body, and I found that it healed me more than any medication.
My Dearest Body,
Everything is different but nothing has changed. 3 days before double mastectomy to remove cancer, captured by Andres Hernandez make-up and hair by Monica Gaviria. *Censored for my dad's sanity.
I have ignored your cries, called you names, been embarrassed by you, mistreated you, judged you, starved you, and yet still you are here-Loving me.
During this time cancer grew inside of you.
I will never know if I gave it to you by eating the wrong things, thinking the wrong thoughts, or if it was just being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Now, I have done the unthinkable to you. I cut into you, had parts of you cut off, parts of you cut out. I poisoned you over and over for months.
Yet, every time you HEALED.
Body, how quickly you can change, but I find you more beautiful now than ever before. Andres Hernandez captured the transition.
I hear your cries as I push you to the breaking point. I see your wounds from the abuse I have inflicted upon you and still, you keep getting up.
Since, the spark of my existence on this Earth, until my last breath, you will be with me. You give me unconditional love, you support me even though I don’t always support you. You are the quiet, unspoken, love of my life.
Skin-sparing double mastectomy and skin expanders with a double lumen port on the right side.*Censored for my Dad's sanity.
You have been my teacher, showing me that love is action, not just words.
You show me how inherently intelligent you are, regrowing hair and healing wounds without instruction, and in turn, I must be that intelligent too.
You always communicate honestly and immediately. When something is amiss, you tell me. First, with a quiet whisper in my heart and when I inevitably don’t listen--with a punch in the gut.
You only ever want the best for me. You only ever want me to succeed. I love you body! You are my best friend, my confidant, my lover.
You mother me and you protect me. You fight my battles. We will be together as long as we live and I will cherish you, hold you, caress you, kiss you, hug you, love you.
You accept me and I promise from this point on to accept you. I will listen to you. I will lift you up. I will compliment you. I will feed you. I will mother you. I will protect you. After all, you have done this for me.
Forever in your debt,
Are you going to try this?
Comment below to tell us how it made you feel.
- BRCA 1 +
- Diagnosed Stage 1, Ductal Breast Cancer, ER/PR + & HER2 -, Sept. 30th, 2014
- Skin Sparing Bilateral Mastectomy with Expanders & Sentinel Lymph node Biopsy, Oct. 24th, 2014
- Double Lumen Port Placed for Chemo, Dec. 8th, 2014
- 4 rounds of Adriamycin & Cytoxan, 9 rounds of Taxol, Dec. 17th, 2014 - April 13th, 2015
- Complete Hysterectomy, Laparoscopic, May 11, 2015
- Breast Reconstruction/Expand exchange for silicone implants, June 29, 2015